October 22nd, 1997 to October 28th, 1997

Suicide

High School Confidential

Part Two: Suicide and Depression Among High School Age Gay and Lesbian Youth

by Lori Weiner

In part two of a four-part series, Outlines investigates suicide in the gay and lesbian community. We continue this week with a look at youth.
High school students hear anti-gay comments an average of 26 times per day, according to statistics compiled by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network. Additionally, 97% of the time, teachers who witness these comments do nothing.

According to GLSEN, two-thirds of all gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered high school students are physically threatened or attacked because of their sexual orientation each school year, and 20% skip school at least once per month because they are afraid to go.

Taunting and teasing by classmates is a fact of life for most students, but for gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered youth, the harassment can literally become a matter of life or death. Often, suicidal feelings in gay youth are triggered by the taunts of their peers-and the failure of school administrators to acknowledge and address their issues.

A 1993 report from the State of Massachusetts Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth recommends several steps to help lesbigay students:

passing school policies protecting gay and lesbian students from harassment, violence, and discrimination;

training teachers/counselors/school staff in crisis intervention and violence prevention;
the establishment of school-based support groups for gay and straight students;

including information in school libraries for gay or lesbian students;

and having curriculum which includes gay and lesbian issues as safeguards to providing a safe environment for gay and lesbian students.

Yet Cesar, an 18-year-old gay youth who attends Horizons' Youth Drop-In program in Chicago, said that his former high school "didn't want to know about" issues of relevance to gay, lesbian and transgendered youth and that his principal "refused to even consider" making gay-affirming resources, such as helpline numbers and brochures, available to the youth.

In 1979, a nationally celebrated case involving the mysterious disappearance and subsequent suicide of a questioning youth pointed up the cruelty and insidiousness of homophobia in school. The New York Times reported in its article, "A Brilliant Student's Troubled Life And Early Death," that James Dallas Egbert II was a college student at 16 and "so gifted that he had forged ahead of his teachers in computer courses." But Egbert had few friends. A high school classmate was quoted in The New York Times article as saying, "People were pretty cruel to him," and related how Egbert was taunted by students screaming "Tell them how queer you are!"

At Michigan State University, Egbert joined the Lesbian and Gay Council; he was ostracized by his peers, and his roommate, who was gay, moved out of their shared apartment. Egbert ran away from Michigan State, only to return home and, one year later, kill himself.

Initially, the media's fascination with Egbert's disappearance and death was focused around his alleged obsession with Dungeons and Dragons, a fantasy role-playing game where participants assume the roles of medieval warriors. But The New York Times piece illuminated a more basic reason for Egbert's suicidal depression: the merciless cruelty of his peers, directed at his perceived homosexuality.

According to Dr. Faughn Adams, executive director of PRIDE Youth Links North Shore, the Northfield-based organization serving suburban lesbigay youth has seen 85 new clients since July 1. Of these 85 youth, 55 say that they were verbally abused at school.

"When teachers stand idly by, and the administration turns a blind eye, and superintendents don't make policies to protect gay youth, it can be very discouraging," said Adams. "Look at the curriculum. Gay people are invisible. Most gay and lesbian teachers aren't out in school, because it's not safe for them. Counseling staff, for the most part, are not prepared to deal with issues around coming out. So where does that leave the youth?"

Both Dr. Adams and Lance Toma, director of Youth Services at Horizons Community Services, agree that families are not always able to rally around their gay offspring, further isolating and alienating the youth and pushing them into feelings of depression, helplessness, and hopelessness.

"Particularly in communities of color," said Toma, "the family is seen as a threat (around issues of sexuality and gender identification) and not as a potential support."

When the family is not supportive, another potential problem arises: homelessness. It is generally accepted that up to 25% of homeless youth are struggling with issues of sexuality and gender identity. "The state and the city look at homelessness in different ways," said Toma. "Theoretically, it should be (understood) that if a (gay youth) has no single place that is his 'home,' then he is homeless. He doesn't have to be out on the streets. He can be bouncing from relative to relative, or friend to friend. He is still homeless."

Horizons' North Side youth group, which began in 1978, offers a variety of drop-in sessions and rap groups to gay, lesbian, bisexual and questioning youth. While Toma says that a suicide-related rap group is not a regular staple of Horizons programming, "we have done them before, and will do them again depending on the need." Drop-in sessions meet weekday evenings and rap groups meet Saturdays at the facility's flagship location, 961 W. Montana.

Additionally, two years ago Horizons opened a South Side facility specifically targeting African-American males. Horizons partnered with Teen Living Programs, a shelter serving homeless and at-risk youth of all sexual identities, to procure the space. "We know that young men of color are among the highest risk groups for contracting HIV," said Toma. "So it was important to us that we reach out to that community." Horizons/South Side meets two nights per week (call 773-472-6469).

Dr. Faughn Adams insists that issues of sexuality and coming out are different for suburban youth than they are for urban youth. "Urban youth have more and better access to information and facilities. There's less of a sense that everybody knows your parents, your family. There's no Halsted Street, there's no Andersonville in Elgin or in Palatine.

"Though many suburban kids are Internet-savvy, giving them one link to a larger community of gays and lesbians, many more are not. And these youth can be very, very isolated and very much at risk for suicidality," she said.

Adams mentions a sense of betrayal expressed by many of Pride Youth's clients when Roscoe's Cafe (located next to Roscoe's bar), a popular hangout for lesbigay youth, closed its doors last year. "(The youth) really felt abandoned," said Adams. "Gay and lesbian youth need options -they need to socialize, to meet each other, to learn how to date, how to break up, how to make friends, how to keep friends. Otherwise, it's possible that these youth will reach adulthood not knowing who they are. And that can cause lots of problems-in relationships, in careers, and in life."

One space for youth is Cafe Pride, which originally started as a joint effort between six local agencies. Now Cafe Pride runs every Friday night at Lake View PresbyterianChurch, 716 W. Addison, 8 p.m.-midnight. It's free, includes refreshments, and the Oct. 31 Cafe Pride is a special Halloween party night. Call (773) 784-2635. Chicago's gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered youth have their own stories to tell about the pressure of mainstream institutions leading them to depression, rage, and suicidal feelings.

Tatiana, 17, is an African-American transgendered youth attending high school in Chicago. She grew up in Orlando, Fla., and moved to Chicago to live with her aunt one and a half years ago. Tatiana feels more comfortable here because "you can be yourself. It's not like in Orlando where everybody's all up in your face about (your sexuality)."

Tatiana came out as a gay male at 13 and embraced her current identity as a "future trans" at 15. Tatiana describes feeling like an "outcast" while in Florida and frequently was attacked in school, both physically and verbally. She felt "unimportant-like an outcast," and this alienation led her to consider suicide.

Ultimately, Tatiana decided that "if you don't like me for what I am, don't like me for anything," and adopted an attitude of callous disregard for the students who bullied her. Tatiana says this attitude worked to her advantage: some of her former tormentors are now friendly towards her, though she says she would "never consider them friends."

Lance Toma observes succinctly that transgendered youth often "get the shaft" where services are concerned, and Tatiana agrees. "(Transgendered youth) need (transgendered) role models. It's great that the gay and lesbian community accepts us and tries to make a place for us, but it's like giving us a seat at someone else's table. It's not really our table."

Cesar, 18, is Latino and identifies as gay. He came out at 13 to a close-knit group of friends who accepted his sexuality. But his deeply religious family forced Cesar to live a double life: "I was one way at school, with my friends, and another way at home. They (family) expected me to be a 'manly man'. ... I could never be myself around them."

One year ago, Cesar came out to his mother, who disowned him, threw him out of the house, and sank into a deep depression. Cesar and his mother have since reconciled, but in his words, "she was all I had (at the time he was disowned). I was devastated when she threw me out."

After graduating from high school at 17, Cesar became depressed; he felt like he was "nothing," and part of the reason was the ostracization he endured due to his sexuality. At that point, he attempted suicide. "That was the lowest point of my life," Cesar says today. He decided not to commit suicide after a lesbian friend tried to kill herself and "wound up bedridden for two months" as a result (the young woman made a full recovery). Cesar is now active in Horizons' Youth Group, doing advocacy and outreach to other gay teens. He encourages all gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered or questioning youth to "choose your closest friends to tell (about your sexuality) first ... and then, come on down to Horizons. You're welcome here." Both Tatiana and Cesar spoke with anger about their experiences in mainstream high schools, particularly compulsory physical education. According to Tatiana, "It's like, nobody cares what happens to you. It's not like somebody's going to protect you because you're gay. There's no rule protecting gay kids like there are protecting kids who are ethnic or racial minorities. You're taking your life in your hands, going into a locker room with dozens of guys wanting to kick your ass because they think you're a faggot."

Tatiana, who is a senior, is excused from gym because of the harassment she faced last year. Cesar, who graduated last year, recalls one physical education instructor at his former high school who "knew the game ... he was supposed to be supervising, but would purposely leave me alone in the locker room with 14 guys ... knowing that something would happen. I got in fights with every one of those guys, because I was gay."

Cesar and Tatiana both feel that gym class causes the most stress among gay youth "by far" of all high school experiences. The boys advocate that youth identifying as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered or questioning be excused from mandatory physical education or given their own locker rooms to avoid the harassment and beatings that virtually always occur there.

Sarah, a 20-year-old lesbian, grew up in a deeply religious Episcopalian home. When she was in junior high, she realized that she did not share her friends' burgeoning interest in boys: "I couldn't figure out what the appeal was," she said. "I was like, 'why?'" By the time she turned 14, Sarah knew that she was a lesbian.

Sarah grew up in a household where homosexuality was condemned. "I always heard my parents talking about homosexuality being a sin, and how gay people were going to Hell," she said. She spent her high school years at a boarding school for girls, where students were disciplined routinely for sexual experimentation; Sarah knew two girls who "got expelled from the school for kissing."

At 15, Sarah was isolated and lonely, with nobody to talk to. "I began feeling suicidal around my loneliness. I couldn't talk to anyone." Drained by the stress of concealment both at school and at home, Sarah made what she calls today a "halfhearted" suicide attempt. The boarding school took it seriously enough to send her home to her parents, who promptly hospitalized her. Though away from the strict religious teachings of her family and the rules of her boarding school, Sarah did not find relief in the hospital. "There were jokes made there ... just really homophobic and awful. It was unsafe."

Sarah returned to her boarding school briefly, then went to live with her parents before leaving again for college. It was there, at a small, women's school, that Sarah was first exposed to out lesbians. "There was a lesbian and bisexual group on campus ... and I knew some of the women marginally. It seemed that they got harassed. They put up a banner for Coming Out Day, with blank space for people to write comments ... there were some positive comments, but there were also a lot of negative and hateful ones."

Sarah also saw some of her fellow students avoiding women who were active in the campus lesbian organization. This led to a deepening sense of isolation and alienation which culminated in a second, more serious suicide attempt. "I OD'd," Sarah says simply. Following her recovery, she dropped out of school. Her life began to change when she moved to Chicago, staying with one of her sisters. "I saw people being out, and proud, and comfortable with themselves. I met some very supportive people, and I found I couldn't deny who I was anymore."

Sarah has now been "completely out" for almost one year, and came out to her parents last week. How did it go? With a smile, Sarah says, "Not as bad as I expected. They still love me."

Part Three: Suicide Among Gay and Lesbian Adults.

Resources

Cafe Pride Coffeehouse Friday nights, Lake View Presbyterian (773) 784-2635

Coalition for Positive Sexuality, 3712 N. Broadway #191, 60613

cps@positive.org, http://www.positive.org/cps (773) 604-1654

Gay and Lesbian Parents Coalition International

P.O. Box 50360, Washington, DC 20091(202) 583-8029

Harriet Tubman Place/Pathfinders for sexual minority youth (773) 626-1443

Austin, East and West Garfield, North Lawndale

Heartland Alliance/Aid Society 327 S. LaSalle, 60604-3471(312) 629-4500

Hetrick Martin Institute, 2 Astor Place, NY, NY 10003-6998 (212) 674-2400

Horizons Community Services Youth group, 961 W. Montana (773) 472-6469

International Lesbian & Gay Youth Organization, Washington, D.C. 20015-0463 (202) 362-9624

Lavender Youth Recreation & Info Center San Francisco (415) 703-6150

Nat'l Advocacy Coalition on Youth & Sexual Orientation......(202) 783-4165, x49

National Center for Lesbian Rights Youth Project ..................1-800-528-NCLR

870 Market St, #570, San Francisco, CA 94102 (415) 392-6257

National Coalition for Gay, Lesbian & Bisexual Youth FAX (408) 269-5328

P.O. Box 24589, San Jose, CA 95154-4589, e-mail: ncglbyorg@aol.com.

Pride USA for high school lesbigay groups (312) 922-5153

Pride Youth Support Program, youth 13-18, meet at Unitarian Church of Evanston

1779 Maple St., Northfield, IL 60093, FAX (847) 441-7027.....(847) 441-9880

Prism Youth Network drop-in for 14-20 yr olds in Oak Park (708) FUN-FIND

1145 Westgate, #210, Oak Park, IL; lesbigay/trans/unsure youth

Rainbow Families RainbowFam@aol.com (630) 585-3920

DeKalb: U. Campus Ministries, 633 W. Locust, DeKalb .........(815) 748-6415

SMYLE, families helping come out, 333-1/2 Pennsylvania Ave., DC 20003

Teenager AIDS Hotline (nationwide)...........................................1-800-234-TEEN

Teen Living Programs, 3179 N. Broadway, 60657-4508 (773) 883-0025

You Are Not Alone: 1st national directory of gay, lesbian and bisexual youth grps in U.S. $5 to: Hetrick-Martin Institute, 2 Astor Pl., 3rd flr, NY, NY 10003

Parents

Family Link Foster Parent Hotline (312) 554-4589

Family Next Door, PO Box 21580, Oakland, CA 94620 (510) 482-5778

Gay and Lesbian Parents Coalition International

P.O. Box 50360, Washington, DC 20091................................(202) 583-8029

Momazons, Lesbians Choosing Children, P.O. Box 02069,Columbus, OH 43202

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays pflagamex@aol.com

Support groups for parents, family and friends of gays and lesbians.

Call (773) 472-3079 for info about any of the five Chicago and Suburban chapters.

PFLAG Chicago-Lakeview Chapter: Third Sunday of every month at 2 p.m. at the Wellington Avenue Church, 615 W. Wellington Ave. in Chicago.

PFLAG Chicago-South: Call for information.

PFLAG Suburban Glenview: Second Sunday every month, 2 p.m. at Congregation BJBE, 901 N. Milwaukee Ave., Glenview.

PFLAG Suburban Hinsdale: First Sunday of every month, 2 p.m. at the Unitarian Church, 17 W. Maple, Hinsdale..

PFLAG Suburban Streamwood: Fourth Sunday of every month, 2 p.m. at St. John the Evangelist School, 513 Parkside Circle, Streamwood.

Rainbow Families support for lesbian/gay families(630) 585-3920 RainbowFam@aol.com

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